U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
