Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
