She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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