My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
