I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
