I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
