And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
