just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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