We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
