i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
