god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
