And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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