So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
