Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
