I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
