I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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