There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
handjob tips. give me some.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
