girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
