You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
