I want to walk on stilts...naked
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
