I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
