You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
