a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
