Jerry, you need to find god
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
zippers are such a cool invention
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
