My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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