i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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