last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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