I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
