I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
there is puke in my bra ... again
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