I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
