I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
We need a shit load of segways right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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