i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
