So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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