Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
