Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
