it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
