Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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