Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
