oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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