i don't like sucking hair
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
