I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
