Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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