i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
