it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
