he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Never let your siblings swipe right.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
