my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
