a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
