I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
