I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My vagina is very pro this idea
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
