She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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