Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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