Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
