everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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