You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
