have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
